Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D. has outlined a ten-day program to help the inattentive child in his book 10 Days to a Less Distracted Child [Perseus Books, 2007]. Dr. Bernstein outlines, step-by-step, how to help parents and children deal with conditions such as ADHD, anxiety, depression, and Asperger’s.
Change Your Mindset about the Distracted Child
Before you can help your distracted child, you must first change your own mindset. Understand that what appears to be laziness is more likely an underlying disorder that causes your child to tune out. It is not purposeful behavior; he is not doing it just to make you crazy. In fact, if you’re feeling crazy, chances are there is something wrong. Or perhaps your child has already been diagnosed with something like ADHD.
Dr. Bernstein provides examples of both positive and negative motivational tools often utilized by parents. Emphasis is put on using those positive tools to improve the child’s self-esteem and lower the distractibility level. He also outlines numerous methods to use to better understand and communicate with your distracted child.
Characteristics of the Distracted Child
The distracted child may jump from project to project and thought to thought, but can also hyper-focus on preferred activities. She is often highly disorganized, often losing track of time, and procrastinating regularly. Multitasking is difficult and anxious frustration levels are high. Impulsivity can lead to trouble when seeking stimulation or being tempted by addiction. She may also have difficulty sleeping and may experience short-term memory problems. Self-esteem tends to be low.
The Distracted Child and School
In chapter 4, Dr. Bernstein clearly explains special education law and how it affects your child. He gives pointers to parents, who are the biggest advocate for their child, for approaching the teacher, for approaching the school, and for implementing an appropriate IEP or work plan for your child. He also offers suggestions to teachers on how to approach the distracted child.
Homework presents its own set of problems. Dr. Bernstein explains how to set up a homework-friendly environment in the home, and how to help your child become better organized. When your distracted child becomes more organized, it is easier for him to try the homework and even get some of it completed.
The Distracted Child and Peer Relationships
The distracted child often has difficulty cultivating friendships. She doesn’t understand social cues and is lacking in emotional intelligence. As a parent, you need to model appropriate social behaviors. Practice specific situations to empower your child. Build up your child’s self-esteem with positive interactions.
Coexisting Conditions of the Distracted Child
Many times the child who is distracted may have coexisting conditions that cause or exacerbate the problem. Physical manifestations may be in the form of headaches, stomach problems, sleep disorders, or allergies. He may be depressed, stressed, or suffer from high anxiety. Perhaps he is on the spectrums of Bipolar Disorder, Asperger’s Syndrome, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or Tourette’s Syndrome. Maybe he has a learning disability or a substance abuse problem. Possibly he has a combination of any of the above.
Dr. Bernstein briefly describes the aforementioned problems that can contribute to distractibility. He emphasizes that you as a parent should not diagnose your child, but should take a list of our observations to medical professionals and let them do the diagnosing.
Medicating the Distracted Child
Medications can help some children suffering from distractibility issues. However, many alternative options also exist. Dr. Bernstein guides parents through questions to ask when considering medicating. He also provides information about alternative treatments, such as dietary changes and supplements, homeopathy, and biofeedback.
Some treatments will work better than others. Sometimes a combination is required. And medication or alternative treatments are not always the answer. Give each idea a chance to work, then find which methods work best for your child’s individual needs.
Further Reading About the Distracted Child
Dr. Bernstein provides a list of both Internet and book resources for parents to read. He offers contact information for various organizations designed to help parents with distracted children. Other recommended reading includes his book 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child. And of course you can get more information from his Dr. Bernstein's website.
10 Days to a Less Distracted Child is a step-by-step program that helps parents change their mindsets about their child by teaching them how to better understand and more appropriately communicate with her. Dr. Bernstein provides numerous checklists and ideas that guide you through the parenting process and navigating assistance from doctors and at school.
Resources:
Bernstein, Jeffrey, Ph.D. 10 Days to a Less Distracted Child. Philadelphia: Perseus Books, 2007.
Andrea Coventry - Andrea Coventry is a Montessori child, now Montessori educator, with 25 years' experience with children, publishing online since 2007.
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